This article may be time sensitive due to changing events, and yet impervious to time.
Articles have begun to swirl around a disappointing Buffalo Bills Head Coach. He may be fired before the week is out. Which coach am I talking about? Mike Mularkey? Dick Jauron? Chan Gailey? Have we become unstuck in the timestream and somehow found ourselves repeating the beginning of the millennium? A wormhole opens up above New Era Field every three Decembers to bring all of us back exactly three Decembers before. One Bills Drive is Brigadoon, only instead of being greeted by kilts and new found love, we are greeted by Russ Brandon telling us how excited we should be about a new chapter of Bills football.

We have all been here before, friends. Maybe we never left.

What should the Bills do? Who cares, honestly. The Bills are not good. They tried to win in a counter-revolutionary style. Run the ball with alacrity. It didn’t work. Build a defense that can punish, also a failure.

We know exactly where this is going. Rex Ryan is going to eat it at some point or another, either this year or next year when they continue to lose games because their quarterback is not good and their defense disappoints. We know because we have lived this life before. We as Bills fans live three year lives to be born anew each January with a press conference and a marketing campaign.

This is worse than Groundhog’s Day. Phil Connors eventually had control over his life and found a way through despite the desperation. We? We are truly passengers. We are watching others live this life and are doomed to follow.

Of course, we don’t have to watch. We could do other things with other humans and enjoy life. We don’t have to care so much. A lot of us do watch and are long past the point of caring if the team wins or loses. Many of us still care and dream. These are the people who are trapped.

I am at the point now where I just want them to hurry up and get to the end of the cycle in order to start the new one. This is getting exhausting. Do not lie to me and tell me this will be different than the others. As if somehow a quarterback who cannot pass and a defensive specialist coach whose defense is bad can lead us to victory. Nah.

I’m not even offering a meaningful path to resistance. “Well who are they going to hire as their coach,” a deficient contrarian might ask. I don’t know. I wheelchair that is missing a wheel. A half used roll of paper towels. The pile of rubber bits that were churned up by the screwed up plowing job in a city that fools itself into thinking it is tough because it snows here. We are trapped in purgatory for our crimes and sins, you jamoke, who cares who they hire. For 17 years, we’ve been told continuity and patience will work. We have been told this by so many different people who ran out of people’s patience. Gregg Williams, Mike Mularkey, Dick Jauron, Chan Gailey, Doug Marrone, Rex Ryan, Tom Donahoe, Marv Levy, Russ Brandon, Buddy Nix, and Doug Whaley have all at one point told us to be patient. This is because the universe has a sense of humor. You ask me who they should hire, and my answer is literally anyone.

I don’t have answers. If someone tells you they do they are full of an extreme amount of shit. We can still watch, but at this point we will with a honed, weapons-grade level of gallows humor. Maybe we’ll get a fun game at some point. They play the Browns next week.

It’s Buffalo Bills football. See you in three Decembers.

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