THAT JUST HAPPENED: AFC Championship Game

NOTICE OF AUTHOR BIAS: Boston sports is obnoxious enough to make me root for King George III.

I’m pretty excited for the development in football of cornerbacks being allowed to hold receivers in the end zone. Phil Simms, ever the putz, gave a full throated defense of the defense and encouraged receivers to throw defensive backs out of the way to catch a ball. Because this is why we paid all the money to go to the game – to watch people being held. Just ask the NFL of the late 90s how that all worked out.

OTHER MOMENTS OF PHIL SIMMS GLORY

Tom Brady overthrowing a receiver by ten yards and Simms claiming that sometimes you can throw the ball too well.

Wait where did the power running game go? They had Brady throw for two-thirds of their plays in the first quarter. Maybe the Colts run defense sucks?

COMMERCIAL TAKES

“A man. A man and his truck. A man and his truck and his penis, and personal insecurity, and kids who don’t love him.The Chevy Silverado.” Also Chevy you are not allowed to use the song Express Yourself by Charles Wright and the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band to promote white male stereotypes.

What is with the Kevin Costner punch out flicks? Does he have the same agent as Liam Nieson? He took about a ten year hiatus there so it’s good to see the guy get some work at least.

Have we talked about I, Frankenstein as a nation yet? I think we need to fireside chat this garbage.

“And Robin Thicke with Chicago!” [throws teevee out window]

THE RANDOM

  • The Broncos first touchdown drive is what makes football fun. Peyton Manning was calling superior audibles into the run, and it was the Patriots defense that looked like they couldn’t handle the ground game. A lot of underneath patterns on the sequence – the Patriots had more than a few of these too.
  • Another game another moment where Brady shouts at somebody in discriminately. Totally want to high five that guy.
  • The Broncos two minute drill is other worldly. Two back to back throws to Demaryius Thomas with Aqib Talib out of the lineup. FOURTH AND ONE JUST OUTSIDE THE TWENTY and it’s a field goal booooooooring. Holy crap do the Patriots rely on Talib. It was a very different game after he left. Manning was finding Thomas everywhere. Whether it was because he was actually more open or because Manning was less inclined to throw there with Talib in coverage is irrelevant. The Patriots also missed Vince Wilfork badly. They had no push on the Broncos at all. Manning had nothing but time.
  • Peyton Manning is like Mutual of Omaha with the I’ll boat you’ve never seen before. Gliding in the ‘glades and like Lorne Greene you know he gets paid.
  • Two back to back drives for the Broncos just wearing down the Patriots and the game felt like it was hanging on by a thread. The Broncos had their two longest drives of the year in this game. Beady can’t beat you if he doesn’t have the ball y’all. Most impressive is that they commanded those drives through the air WHILE ALSO absorbing a huge amount of time. Turns out Manning is good to football. Who knew?
  • Brady used to have good receivers. Wha happened? I think one killed a guy. Or guys.
  • 4 and 2 with 2:30 in the third at the Denver 29… WEEEEEE and Brady is sacked. That probably wasn’t how they drew it up. They had been running the ball well on that drive. Simms is there to risk shame Bill Belichick. Can you imagine what Simms would have advised George Washington before he tried to cross the Delaware? Love that the play was surrounded by three minutes of commercials, too.
  • 4th and goal from the two 12:07 in the fourth for Denver. Field goal. TOTALLY should have gone for it.
  • “Well the Pro Bowl will be in the news this week.” No it won’t.
  • Once it became 26-10 the Patriots were taking about :30 a play on their drive with around 5:00 to go. They ate up yards but had only about 3:00 left after scoring. It forced them to make the two point conversion, because if they missed it they would have practically no time left to score twice more. They missed. They did manage to preserve their time outs though so high five.
  • The best drive start the Broncos had besides the onside recovery was their own 39. We stand in the glory of Manning. He tied the NFL record for completions in a championship game. Legacy secure I guess.