Hey there. The Bills played a football game at the Meadowlands on Sunday. Here’s how it went.
Let’s do it.
14:00 — Geno Smith throws 45-yard pass to Stephen Hill. (0-0 tie)
I didn’t even know Geno Smiths were allowed to do that.
12:22 — Smith throws 18-yard pass to Jeremy Kurley (0-0 tie)
Don’t do this to me, Geno.
9:11 — Smith runs for 8-yard touchdown (7-0 Jets)
This isn’t what I wished for at all.
1:15 — Punt! Punt! Punt! Punt!
Oh my glob. So exciting.
0:26 — Fred Jackson runs for 56-yards (7-0 Jets)
This was nice because some sort of Freaky Friday thing must have happened with C.J. Spiller and Tashard Choice before the game.
13:48 — Bills kicker kicks 47-yard field goal (7-3 Bills)
13:40 — Smith intercepted by Jim Lehonard (7-3 Bills)
That guy! He plays for us again!
10:00 — Bills kicker kicks 23-yard field goal (7-6 Jets)
That kicker sure can kick.
9:23 — Smith throws 11-yard pass to Santonio Holmes (7-6 Jets)
Where did all of our corners go?
7:06 — Smith throws 51-yard touchdown to Hill (14-6 Jets)
Nice coverage, you tiny idiot.
5:22 — E.J. Manuel throws 29-yard pass to Robert Woods (14-6 Jets)
I find that I usually enjoy this combination of human beings doing things together.
3:49 — Manuel sacked on 4th and 2 at the Jets’ 33 (14-6 Jets)
It’s just going to take time, you guys.
2:00 — Nick Mangold fumbles snap. Jets lose 21 yards on 3rd and 6 (14-6 Jets)
That was silly.
1:41 — Manuel sacked by Muhammad Wilkerson (14-6 Jets)
Let’s just skip to the “Bills Punter Punts” and move on.
0:05 — Nick Folk kicks 47-yard field goal (17-6 Jets)
Burn it down, Charmeleon. Burn it down.
Don’t worry. The gunshots are coming.
12:31 — Smith throws 8-yard pass to Holmes. Holmes fumbles. Bills recover (17-6 Jets)
Play is overturned. Jets ball.
12:28 — Smith throws 40-yard pass to Holmes (17-6 Jets)
I am not enjoying this.
9:51 — Folk kicks 34-yard field goal (20-6 Jets)
9:48 — Manuel sacked by Sheldon Richardson (20-6 Jets)
There were eight of these in all. I’m not going to talk about all of them because I want to live through this season and you should, too.
9:35 — Manuel throws 17-yard pass to Jackson (20-6 Jets)
You can be my C.J. today, Fred Jackson.
9:16 — Manuel runs for 19-yard gain (20-6 Jets)
9:01 — Kyle Wilson gets called for defensive pass interference (20-6)
Kyle Wilson and Justin Rodgers should get an apartment together on Awful Avenue.
8:22 — Bills kicker kicks 43-yard field goal (20-9 Jets)
Field goal mafia.
7:52 — Bilal Powell runs for 27-yard gain (20-9 Jets)
7:13 — Smith intercepted by Kiko Alonso (20-9 Jets)
Shake it, baby. Gonna find me some clues right ‘chea.
5:38 — Bills kicker kicks 26-yard field goal (20-12 Jets)
Big day for all 19 Bills Kicker fantasy owners out there.
4:02 — Justin Rodgers commits 22-yard pass interference penalty (20-12 Jets)
2:10 — Tommy Bohanon stopped short on 4th and 1 at the Bills’ 37 (20-12)
Could be a big stop. Let’s see what the offense can do.
2:02 — Manuel throws 23-yard pass to Steve Johnson (20-12 Jets)
It’s all happening now.
0:43 — Sack. Incomplete. Sack. Bills punter punts (20-12 Jets)
Easy does it.
12:57 — Manuel throws 14-yard pass to Stevie Johnson (20-12 Jets)
Whip out the elbows, because here come the penalties.
12:23 — Manuel throws incomplete pass. Jets get holding penalty. Bills get taunting penalty. (20-12 Jets)
That was dumb. BUT HOW DUMB CAN WE GET?!?
12:19 — Manuel throws incomplete pass. Kyle Wilson takes illegal contact penalty (20-12 Jets)
MOAR! MOAR FAILURE!
12:16 — Jackson runs for 1-yard gain. Fumbles. Jets recover. (20-12 Jets)
BUT! Wilson called for personal foul and Richardson called for illegal use of hands. Bills ball.
KEEP GOING! YOUR FAILURE SUSTAINS ME!
12:08 — Manuel throws 14-yard pass to Johnson. Wilson called for ANOTHER personal foul penalty (20-12 Bills)
I have become more powerful than you can imagine.
10:47 — Manuel throws 34-yard touchdown to Scott Chandler (20-18 Bills)
Pretty sure that’s Scott Chandler’s son, Chet, in the middle there.
10:47 — Manuel throws 2-yard pass to Johnson for the 2-point conversion (20-20 tie)
9:34 — Smith throws 69-yard touchdown pass to Holmes (27-20 Jets)
Justin Rodgers, me, and your mom, respectively.
9:16 — Manuel throws 21-yard pass to Johnson (27-20 Jets)
Is it a comeback?
7:55 — Bills punter punts.
2:54 — PUNT PUNT PUNT (27-20 Jets)
Don’t fight it. This is who we be right now.
2:44 — Manuel throws 11-yard pass to Chandler (27-20 Jets)
I can’t feel my face.
2:14 — Manuel sacked by Wilkerson (27-20 Jets)
At least he kept getting up.
1:48 — Maneul throws incomplete pass on 4th and 7 (27-20 Jets)
Just a minor misstep on the road to greatness.
0:30 — Jets down punt at 1-yard line (27-20 Jets)
Here comes the comeback!
0:21 — Three Bills football plays happen (27-20 Jets)
Someone pass the meth.
End of Game
You, At Work This Week
DON’T TALK TO ME I’VE GOT PLACES TO GO. BUSY BUSY!
See you next Sunday.