Hello again. The Bills played a home game against the Panthers on Sunday. Here’s how it went.
Hi. We’re back for more.
13:20 — Cam Newton throws 31-yard pass to Greg Olsen (0-0 tie)
12:43 — Newton sacked by Mario Williams (0-0 tie)
Lookin’ good, Mario.
12:04 — Newton intercepted by Kiko Alonso (0-0 tie)
Linebackers making plays!
11:58 — E.J. Manuel throws 34-yard pass to Frank Summers (0-0)
That stranger over there seems nice.
10:57 — C.J. Spiller runs for 10 yard gain (0-0 tie)
I’m changing my name to “R.J.”
8:55 — Manuel pass intended for Scott Chandler incomplete (0-0 tie)
Please stop throwing to Scott Chandler.
8:15 — Bills kicker misses 42-yard field goal (0-0 tie)
You stupid idiot man.
5:24 — Newton sacked by Mario Williams (0-0 tie)
It’s really too bad that this guy is bad at football.
4:05 — Spiller runs for 21-yard gain (0-0 tie)
He’s so fast. After this they ran Jackson twice, Manuel missed Woods and Bills punter punted. I don’t want talk about it.
10:46 — Bills kicker kicks 55-yard field goal (3-0 Bills)
He just likes the hard ones, I guess.
7:41 — Punt, punt (3-0 Bills)
There really were some dull moments in this game. It’s coming, though.
7:20 — Newton throws 11-yard pass to Steve Smith (3-0 Bills)
That guy’s still pretty good.
5:57 — Newton sacked by Mario Williams. Panthers punter punts (3-0 Bills)
YOU SUCK FOOT-GUY!
5:15 — Manuel throws 19-yard pass to Robert Woods (3-0 Bills)
4:35 — Manuel throws 9-yard pass to Steve Johnson (3-0 Bills)
Okay. Driving down the field for another score before the half. Aggressive football. This is working.
2:14 — Bills punter punts on 4th and 3 from the Carolina 45 (3-0 Bills)
As it was so eloquently stated by @runthedive, get that weak shit out of my life. But hey, let’s go to Doug Marrone on the field for an explanation:
Thanks, Doug. Let’s fast-forward about two minutes and 90 yards.
0:18 — Newton throws 13-yard touchdown pass to Olsen (7-3 Panthers)
Great work, team.
Really debating putting this guy on a t-shirt.
This probably would have tasted better a few minutes ago.
14:24 — Manuel throws 15-yard pass to Woods (7-3 Panthers)
I mean that, Robert.
13:53 — Manuel throws 28-yard pass to Woods (7-3 Panthers)
I think this guy is going to be good.
Both of them.
11:43 — Manuel throws 8-yard pass to T.J. Graham. Panthers commit facemask penalty. Bills have first and goal (7-3 Panthers)
I must have blacked out during the next 59 seconds. I think they thew nine fades to Scott Chandler, though.
10:52 — Bills kicker kicks 20-yard field goal (7-6 Panthers)
That means he kicked it from the two. Good god.
9:22 — Newton sacked by Mario Williams and Marcel Dareus (7-6 Panthers)
Mario needed help on this one because HE’S NOT A FINISHER AND I’LL TELL YOU ANOTHER THING— /carried away by peregrine falcon
8:56 — Frank Summers’ holding penalty before the Panthers’ punt causes tear in space-time continuum. Panthers get first down (7-6 Panthers)
Now is the Summers of our discontent.
8:48 — DeAngelo Williams runs for 21-yard game (7-6 Panthers)
I’m honestly surprised we didn’t see more of this.
6:59 — Newton throws 40-yard touchdown pass to Ted Ginn Jr. (14-6 Panthers)
4:47 — Manuel throws 45-yard pass to Johnson (14-6 Panthers)
SO YEA WE CAN DO THAT 2
4:18 — Fred Jackson runs for 4-yard touchdown (14-12 Bills)
Go for the tie, team.
4:18 — Manuel throws 2-yard pass to Robert Woods for 2-point conversion (14-14 tie)
Let’s synchronize our watches, y’all.
2:09 — Panthers first down after Aaron Williams flagged for unnecessary roughness after incomplete pass on 3rd and 12 (14-14 tie)
Young! Undisciplined! Narrative! Skittles!
1:48 — Panthers punt (14-14 tie)
1:40 — Spiller runs for 9-yard gain (14-14 tie)
It’s a Herman’s Hermits song waiting to happen over here.
1:14 — Manuel fumbles. Carolina recovers in the red zone (14-14 tie)
That… wasn’t what I was hoping for.
12:47 — Panthers kicker kicks 27-yard field goal (17-14 Panthers)
Good hold for the defense. Hopefully they get a rest while I foreshadow what happens next.
12:19 — Manuel intercepted by Luke Kuechly at Buffalo’s 26 (17-14 Panthers)
Let’s get out of here.
11:27 — Newton throws 13-yard pass to Olsen on 3rd and 9 (17-14 Panthers)
I’ve seen this before. I think I know how it ends.
9:30 — Newton sacked by Mario Williams on 3rd and 4 from the 6 (17-14 Panthers)
Just cut him already.
8:44 — Panthers kicker kicks 25-yard field goal (20-14 Panthers)
Ain’t that the truth.
8:41 — Spiller runs for 46-yard gain (20-14 Panthers)
Still haven’t seen that guy throw up yet.
7:18 — Fred Jackson, Fred Jackson, Fred Jackson, Bills kicker kicks 48-yard field goal (20-17 Panthers)
Don’t mind me, just yacking everywhere.
7:13 — Newton throws 13-yard pass to Olsen (20-17 Panthers)
They could, uh, really use a stop here.
5:05 — Newton runs for 5-yard gain on 3rd and 2 (20-17 Panthers)
This will only end in tears.
1:42 — Panthers kicker kicks 39-yard field goal on 4th and 1 from the Bills’ 21 (23-17 Panthers)
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Panthers coach Ron Rivera for being an absolute idiot.
1:38 — Manuel throws 8-yard pass to Johnson (23-17 Panthers)
1:28 — Manuel throws 12-yard pass to Spiller (23-17 Panthers)
1:09 — Manuel throws 14-yard pass to Jackson (23-17 Panthers)
0:47 — Manuel throws incomplete pass to Jackson (23-17 Panthers)
Good thing he dropped it, actually.
0:40 — Manuel throws 11-yard pass to Johnson (23-17 Panthers)
IS THIS CIRCLING? ARE WE CIRCLING WAGONS YET?!?
0:33 — Manuel throws incomplete pass to Spiller (23-17 Panthers)
Could have been worse.
0:29 — Manuel throws 4-yard pass to Spiller (23-17 Panthers)
0:21 — Manuel intercepted by Colin Jones (23-17 Panthers)
Pass interference. First and 10 at the 11 (23-17 Panthers)
0:14 — Manuel runs for 9-yard gain (23-17)
One more play.
0:06 — Manuel throws a 2-yard touchdown pass to Johnson (23-23 tie)
The busted coverage doesn’t make this drive any less impressive.
0:02 — Bills kicker kicks extra point (24-23 Bills)
End of Game
I told you it would end in tears.
You, at Work This Week
See you next Sunday.