Naked

Outrage is too strong a word. Firestorm implies some sort of destruction. This is something different. Something completely stupid.

Reggie Bush’s “slam” of Buffalo is the product of three dudes talking on the radio. We can continue after you come to grips with the ludicrous reality that people say dumb, unfunny things on the radio. I’ll wait.

Here’s what happened: Miami radio hosts said it was going to be cold here, but not as cold as people from Miami expect it to be in Buffalo in mid-November. Another guy on the radio made a joke about naked women, because that kind of joke goes well with sound effects and BIG GUY RADIO VOICE doughnuts to preview their radio show. Then Bush said he wouldn’t want to see the women of Buffalo naked in the stands of Ralph Wilson Stadium on Thursday.

This, I suppose, passes for mildly surprising, which passes for newsworthy when there’s nothing going on. I mean, there is nothing going on these days. Hockey is dead and the football team playing twice in five days isn’t noteworthy because they are mostly terrible.

Let’s put aside the local media’s hyper-sensitivity to negativity from outside the 716 area code, as we’ve beaten that angle with large, blunt objects many times over the years. Buffalo is great. Perfect, even. That includes everyone who lacks a a Y chromosome. Sing the chorus again.

Reggie Bush has twice dated Kim Kardashian. Twice. Kardashian, if you don’t know, is incredibly famous just for being famous, a notoriety that began when she had sex on camera with musical person Ray J. Bush has also been in the music video for music person Ciara. He’s also dated a female WWE wrestler.

Everything in above paragraph could make one question his decision-making ability, his moral compass or maybe his taste in women. That’s fair. It’s also fair to assume that what he thinks about anything—women and especially women in a small part of Western New York State—pointless at best.

He’s an athlete who plays football. No one values his thoughts on Chesapeake Bay cartography or Russian literature. No one cares what he thinks about Arsenal’s chances in the Champions League. Why does anyone give him any clout when it comes to women who live in Buffalo?

This story is the football equivalent of putting a pound of frozen beef in the microwave for three seconds on high. That may work on Pop Tarts, but it’s not getting you any closer to burger time.

Bush-Boobgate will not do anything to spice up this game, nor will it save a rivalry that’s existed in a vegetative state for years. I’m sure there will be plenty of signs. There will be women with signs. There will be shirtless men with signs. There will be laughs had on Twitter.

Then there will be football. Bad football. The Bills will attempt to drag a division foe down into the muck of parity and over a decade of mediocrity. The Dolphins will try to eek closer to .500. It’s a spectacle sure to overwhelm the senses.

Your sense of decency, most likely.