Week 3 Prep: Bills vs. Browns

No one, it seems, is any good at football these days.

Two weeks into the season, I can only think of two teams that have looked particularly good in both games, and none of them are the Bills or the Browns. They’re both sitting at .500 because they played one crap game and one good one. Both good games came last week. Therefore, I have no idea what to expect from either team.

Football!

Essential Info

Kickoff: 1 p.m. on CBS.

Your Announcers: Spero Dedes, Steve Beuerlein

Double shot of Dedes and Beuerlein! Your blood sugar is going to go through the roof!

Other Games You Can Watch If You Don’t Have Sunday Ticket, You Millionaire You (via the506.com)

Houston at Denver, 4 p.m., CBS

Philadelphia at Arizona, 4 p.m., FOX

New England at Baltimore, 8:20 p.m., NBC

Depth Charts:
Bills. Browns.

You know, in case another player suffers a horrific injury and you can’t remember who the backup is after the blunt force trauma.

Smart People Writing Words

Again, it’s Bill Barnwell of Football Outsiders on Grantland. This time he breaks down C.J. Spiller’s performance against the Chiefs.

Just as I noted with RG3 and the Redskins offense last week, the Bills used Spiller’s versatility to give the Chiefs varied looks on consecutive plays. On Spiller’s first six carries, he ran twice on a conventional play out of a traditional formation, once on a draw, once on an end-around with Brad Smith under center, once on an inside trap, and finally out of the Pistol on his first touchdown run. His second score came on a sweep out of the Pistol from the 5-yard line, a combination you’ll almost never see NFL teams put together. When teams line up in that sort of formation near the goal line, the result is almost always a passing play. Buffalo forced the Chiefs to respect their ability to run in that situation, and then later exploited it on a touchdown pass to Scott Chandler.

Spiller will get plenty of attention from defense in the coming weeks, which makes Fred Jackson’s accelerated recovery even more exciting if you ask me.

Here’s a Photo of Jim Kelly, Who is Still Not Ryan Fitzpatrick

Well, he’s also not that Jim Kelly either.

Amazingly Complex Browns Preview
These games are always terrible. Always. This is because both teams are usually terrible.

Motivational Phrase Written in Puppies

If that doesn’t make you want to run through a goddamn brick wall, I don’t know what will.

YouTube Nostalgia

This may be the worst football game I’ve ever watched. Enjoy!

PICKS PICKS PICKS PICKS

No one gives a shit who I think will win this game. Still.

Some Sunday Afternoon Jams

Legitimate Opposing Quarterback Analysis

Two weeks in, the rookie quarterback class looks to be in pretty good shape across the league. Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III have played well, and even Ryan Tannehill got a win for the Dolphins last week. That other major rookie quarterback — get out of here Russell Wilson — is Cleveland’s Brandon Weeden.

Football Outsiders ranked him as the best quarterback in the league in Week 2, after he was dead last following a dismal opening day loss against Philadelphia.

My guess is that he falls somewhere in between, but it all depends on which Bills defense shows up. They had very different showings in the first two weeks of the season, too.

Shout, Damnit

Excitable Adventure Time GIF

Where to Find Us
We’ll be on the Twitters all day, so feel free to say hello and swear at us. Don’t forget your SARCASM hashtags.

Famous Last Words

Go Bills.

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