Every year there seems to be one commercial that captures the hearts and minds of the viewing public. Perhaps the best example of this in the post-lockout era is the Labatt Blue Fish commercial, which ran for almost a full two years in all its fish-talking glory.
This year, however, the most memorable commercial involves a much more serious topic: child abuse.
Now overall the commercial has a good, wholesome message. You want a bank you can raise a child in, and I get that. Personally I spent many long nights locked in the vault at my local HSBC, but back in the day it was called Marine Midland Bank. Ah, memories.
Anyway, everything is going smoothly until that first woman shows up and says this:
“I didn’t want to be a mom. It took me three months to love him.”
Okay, I’m with you so far. You are a horrible person and most certainly a horrible mother. You probably contemplated tossing your child in a mall parking lot trash can, like some people do with sneakers when they get a new pair of Jordans. You were probably dropped as a child and cheat on your taxes. But yeah, keep going.
“Now I can’t imagine my life without him.”
Just a flawless transition here: now she and that baby are attached at the hip. Getting knocked up was the best thing that ever happened to her! That child went from unloved to irresistible in just over 90 days, which is quite the accomplishment. Just imagine, a mother who loves her child! Mother of the year candidate if you ask me. Now the expression on that poor kid’s face completely makes sense:
Now I don’t have much experience in the ways of motherhood and rearing children, but to me this lady seems like an awful human being. Maybe someone with children can chime in here and set me straight, but I thought you’re supposed to love your children no matter how much they get in the way of your banking. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to break in your love for a baby like you break in a baseball glove, it’s supposed to be ready to roll right out of the box.
Either way, it’s a confusing bit of marketing for HSBC. Unless there is some vast untapped market for questionable parents with confused priorities, I can’t imagine this is very effective. At the very least it requires further explanation, which good commercials should never need.
In conclusion: that woman is probably a whore.