One can only hope that Mr. Bell knows Adalius Thomas is much larger than the bean bag…
So here we are. Monday Night Football. After months of speculation and weeks of worry, the Buffalo Bills are in New England to play the Patriots. Everyone remembers where they were when the news about Terrell Owens broke, but tonight is the reality of that signing. Ready or not, the Bills are in prime time.
Consider this your gameday prep.
Announcers: Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, Jon Gruden
Stats: NFL.com, ESPN, or Yahoo Sports all do a good job. If you have fantasy teams through Yahoo, you get StatTracker free this year. If you didn’t know that until now, I’m pretty sure I just made your week.
Flash Websites You Might Find Useful In Case of Blowout:
Things Worth Knowing/Mocking/Reading
- Tweeting is banned 90 minutes before kickoff and until sometime after the game. However if anything bad happens tonight, assume that this is the Tweet Terrell Owens would have sent. Yes, we will be making this joke all year.
- In case you wanted to make the “I wonder if Mike Williams is available” joke after an Edwards sack, he isn’t.
- If things really go badly, remember that the Raiders are probably going to look just as bad…
- Over the summer a commenter wanted me to talk about the new NFL.com. I didn’t do it back then but let’s do that now: I’m not a fan of the site. I’ve never liked it anyway, but the ads are way too invasive, and the media center isn’t as intuitive as I’d like it. Considering they’ve dropped the hammer on every other way to get NFL highlights on the planet, you’d think they could at least put out a good product themselves. Obviously not a concern.
- Rule #388 of fantasy football: The pick that illicit a chorus of “good pick” at a fantasy draft will always kill the guy who took him. Well, everyone’s favorite “good pick” is out 4-6 weeks. If not for Brandon Stokley being in the right place at the right time, white people everywhere would be in dire straits right now.
- Speaking of that Stokley touchdown, the absolute best part of all that was Gus Johnson being in the booth. If you haven’t seen the video, watch it now. Then repeat. Then save a copy to your hard drive for the next Joe Buck game you’re stuck with.
- With Baby of Destiny 2.0 on the way for Dreamboat, how much more does he love this product of his passion over the last one? Brady seems like the type of person who’d ditch his perfectly-capable iPod and buy a new one just for the camera, if you catch my drift.
I’m sorry… what?
- Of course I’d like to get the NFL Network Red Zone Channel, but as a TWC customer I’m screwed. However, I have one gripe with the commercial advertising the channel. The advert says you can watch “EVERY SINGLE TOUCHDOWN”, but that’s a pure logical fallacy. Not every touchdown-scoring play begins inside the red zone, and so it’s impossible to watch every touchdown-scoring play. Unless the channel is quick-cutting every time a runner gets near the 20, but that will only amount to a Ludovico technique-style highlight freakout. Or maybe a Willy Wonka paddleboat-type thing. Whatever, it’d be freaking weird.
- If you haven’t given this post a read today, please do so. It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever written on the Roost, and takes the start of the season a lot more serious than this post does. One of my favorites by far, and worth looking back at for sure.
Your Weekly Bill Simmons Quote About the Bills (Sort of)
Prediction I: The Buffalo Bills will finish with the worst record in football, allowing T.O. to star in the worst NFL season and second worst reality show in the same year. I would have given T.O.’s show “worst reality show” status, but you can’t top “Megan Wants A Millionaire” going off the air because one of Megan’s bachelors allegedly killed his wife and tried to get rid of her by cramming her into a suitcase. I mean, when VH1 pulls a show because something bad happened, you KNOW something bad happened.
Like I said, sort of.
Obligatory “Get Pumped” Video
“Voodoo Child”, Jimi Hendrix. Tell me you’re not ready to go chop a mountain down after that one.
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