There was a mist hovering above the stadium tonight that had nothing to do with Mother Nature. From outside it was pretty cool to see, and as the night went on it only intensified. Yet at the game’s close I looked up at it and thought to myself:
There is no God.
This game wasn’t just about Rian Lindell, but that field goal is going to forever stick in my mind. That football drifting to the right was a true punch to the stomach, and after over three hours of screaming and yelling and making jokes about Antowain Smith, all I could do is slump into my seat and sit there. I wanted to just lay there for a while and feel better, but that moment never came.
The mist I mentioned earlier, that was from the heat of over 72,000 people doing everything they could to keep their season alive. For a while there it looked shaky, but it sure did look like it was going to happen in the end. We had them. Twice. But in the back of your mind you knew something had to give, and right on que Rian kicked it all to hell.
There are a lot of people to blame for tonight. Trent Edwards probably had the worst game of his career, while Marshawn Lynch probably had the best. The defense didn’t do much, and I can’t even address how open Lee Evans was at times tonight without wanting to burn churches. However, I’ll save these points for a time when all that bile in my body recedes to where it should be.
Last year’s Monday Night Football game had a similar ending, but for me the two games felt completely different. There was nothing but pride on the line against Dallas, and while that loss was shocking, having that shock factor softened the blow in a way. This year, however, Buffalo took everything on the field and fell short in a spectacular matter.
But, because it was right there, tonight felt so much worse. I’ve never witnessed a moment in sports that made me want to curl up on a freezing metal bench and just forget about the world. Tonight my sports fandom knocked me off my own feet, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. You’re not supposed to take things that seriously, right? It’s not supposed to mean that much. But it does, and that’s what keeps you coming back.
After games like this you have to look at what brought you here and ask if it was worth it. What is it worth to sit this close and feel this much and hurt so badly?
I can’t really answer any of those questions, but I know it’s not going to end anytime soon. The Bills are 5-5 and the their quarterback can’t see past ten yards. All that playoff talk a few weeks ago has become just another cloud of mist hovering over us. So maybe there is a God, or maybe not. The one thing I do know is that I’ll be back on Sunday. If there is a religion in this town it is sports, even when the pastor can’t preach and the collection is corrupt. Into the fog we go, once again.
Because there’s nothing else to do.