RoosTV: Mission: Impossible

By Chris

6:15 Fact: I’ve never sat down and watched an entire NBA game start to finish. I just physically and mentally can’t do it. I’ve tried it a few games and the closest I’ve come is watching the entire first half of Game One of the Mavericks-Heat final a few years ago. College hoops? No problem. It’s the NBA that I can’t stand. I just can’t get through an entire game. Whether it’s the music that plays constantly or the constant whistles that drives me more insane I’ll never know. It’s the only sport I just can’t watch. Tonight, I’m going to try to change that.

The match-up alone is enough to get me to try. Lakers-Celtics is legendary. Mythical even. Garnett would have been a household name six years ago if he hadn’t been trapped in losing Minnesota for so long. Along with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, the Celtics are back. But they’ve got Kobe in the way who’s trying to prove that he can lead Showtime to a championship on his own. Compelling stuff.

Unfortunately the game doesn’t start until 9 p.m. tonight. Makes this a little bit harder, but very rarely will I back down from a challenge that takes as little skill or talent as this.

So stop in from time to time. I’ll be live blogging this game for as much as I possibly can. Until then I’ll be pre-gaming, which basically means eating a frozen pizza and watching two hours of Pop-Up Video on VH1 Classic until tip-off. Good times.

9:37 The first quarter just ended after 12 years of introductions and what seemed like 1,945 stoppages. This is painful. Clockwork Orange bad. And the Journey to the Center of the Earth commercials aren’t helping. Neither is the fact that my house is hotter than Balls. Deedum Deedum Dadada Dumdum.

9:42 I think Phil Jackson is drunk and Mike Tirico’s announcing would actually make this game more interesting. I tried the “just watch the first quarter and try not to judge” approach but this is just bad. Now I’m not going to pretend I’m a huge basketball fan because I’m definitely not, but how Simmons writes 15,000 words on this snoozefest is beyond me.

After watching the NHL Playoffs religiously, it just really weirds me out that players and coaches put their hands all over the NBA trophy before the Finals even begin. Same thing with the Lombardi trophy when they interview the players for those black-and-white sentimental cut-in segments. Just strange.

9:53 The feed keeps cutting to black every few seconds. Way to go ABC. This is more annoying than trying to watch Game Four in HD at Jon’s house with his faulty HD tuner from Wal*Mart (zinger).

9:58 Wish I would have seen what actually happened but the screen went black. Either I can’t see what’s going on because there are 14 million moving graphics or there’s no picture at all. This…is not going well. If anyone wants to try to defend this game to a “first time” NBA viewer, I’m listening.

10:05 According to ABESPN’s latest graphic, Kobe still wears #8.

10:11 The new Hulk movie looks seriously under-hyped and might actually be pretty good. Edward Norton in a nutshell.

10:17 Halftime! Thank Jeebus!

10:24 I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said the word “rivalry.” Maybe I’d be able to buy a gallon of gas.

10:32 Maybe an ice cream sandwich will make this a more enjoyable experience.

10:35 Nope.

10:39 So Breen, van Gundy and Jackson talk and talk and talk before the second half gets underway and then as soon as the ball is inbounded, they cut to Tafoya for a sideline report? Does this make sense to anyone?

10:50 Apparently Paul Pierce is hurt and I guess they don’t have stretchers or wheelchairs in Boston. Four guys just carried a 6’5” guy (or whatever) off the court. Great advancements in medicine. Looks like more minutes for Rondo!

And now Perkins is limping. The C’s are in trouble if neither come back this game. They’re only down by three but things could get ugly fast if they don’t keep their composure.

10:53 Ray Allen hits a big three. He won’t quit. Still boatloads of time left.

10:55 Paul Pierce returns from the tunnel in dramatic fashion. Crowd is feeling it.

10:58 Tropic Thunder looks hilarious.

10:59 Pierce is back in and they’re playing the Rocky theme. Nice touch.

10:07 Got caught on Facebook and reading Mirtle. Apparently Paul Pierce just hit back-to-back three pointers to give the Celtics a four point lead as the third quarter winds down. That’s kind of exciting. And your story if Boston wins this game. “Beat LA” chants. I approve.

11:09 East Coast sports writers have got to be heated about making their deadlines. Half of them probably have their story shells written already. “Paul Pierce blah blah blah blah…”

11:19 Just found out that Hockey Night in Canada is most likely going to have a new theme song next year. More on this later.

11:21 There are still nine minutes left but Boston seems to be running away with this one. Finding open looks and making smart plays (like KG’s back-court save). And ABESPN cuts to commercial by playing some Boston. I think their new lead singer used to be a plumber or something.

11:24 “Wipe Out” may be the stupidest new show ever. I’d rather watch MXC where they’re trying to be funny instead of just pathetic.

11:25 I take that back. Nick Ex-Simpson is hosting the High School Musical version of “American Idol.” Is America just getting dumber?

So I’m sitting here now wondering who would win in a fight: Hancock or The Hulk? Is there a What If Sports for superhero fights that I don’t know about? Because now I’m curious. And yes I find this game that bad. I see the drama, I get the emotion, I’m just not feeling it. The game just doesn’t have that “sudden death” aspect to it that I really enjoy. Seems like there’s too many ways to get back into a game, which could be a good thing, but also makes for a painful game to watch.

11:34 For the record, I HATE the Cha-Cha Slide.

1:54 left. This is going to be the longest two minutes ever. I can feel it already.

11:46 Everybody loves a good slam dunk. KG delivers.

11:48 In four minutes we’ve played 53 seconds.

11:51 And just like that there’s only 16.6 seconds left. That went by fast (not fast enough though…)

11:51 Annnnnd a commercial. Of course. Because we can’t just play out 16.6 seconds or show a meaningful replay. You know, actually let the color guys demonstrate something for us. Jeez.

Lakers went 5-20 in the fourth quarter. Now there’s a stat.

11:53 Celtics win. Pierce will have legendary status by morning. Whoop-de-doo.

11:54 And holy crap I made it. Time to celebrate.

Thanks, Red.

Night everyone!

One Comment

  1. Jennifer

    While there really wasn’t anything else on TV last night, after reading this I believe I made the right choice by NOT watching the NBA game. I like college basketball, but NBA just doesn’t have the same appeal for me.

    I’d rather watch hockey or baseball any day.