Dear Andrew Peters,

Sometimes it hurts my head to think you were a second round draft pick. I guess the same thing happens to you because you seem to be easily confused. Remember when you challenged the entire Anaheim Ducks team to a fight a few months back? Good times.

Still, there are times when your downright stupidity is not only detrimental to your team but, quite frankly, to my health. Tonight was a perfect example of this. Andrew, you are lucky they gave out matching misconducts only, because if we lost on the PK again I would have found you and set you on fire. Engulfed in flames. Set ablaze. You heard me right, friend, the boomstick would be you.

The point is this, Petey: stop throwing punches when you’re on the bench, you f–king window licker.