Captain by Committee: Act III, Scene II: Chotchkies

by Ryan

Lindy: Paul, can I talk to you for a moment?

Paul: Yeah coach?

Lindy: You asked about the captaincy?

Paul: Yeah coach. I’ve been working really hard all season trying to get us in the playoffs. I know I haven’t been on the scoresheet a lot but I’ve been working on my faceoffs, trying to be better in front and really sticking up for the guys when there’s trouble. I know I’m young, but I thought maybe I could get a shot at a letter one of these months…

Lindy: Okay, but we need to talk about your flair.

Lindy: You see, you have on 15 pieces of flair. Look, we want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, ok? You do want to express yourself, don’t you?

Paul: Yeah, yeah coach.

Lindy: Okay, so maybe next time you’re out there try being a bit less… aggressive. It’s about being consistent, well liked, and mostly being adorable. And wearing cute buttons. Oh, and take off the one that says “Mike Grier was right.”

Paul: Okay.

Lindy: Now, it’s up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Well, like Jason, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile.

Lindy: You do want to express yourself, don’t you?

Paul: Yeah. Yeah. Here, coach.

Lindy: Great. Great. That’s all I ask.


  1. Dave

    i love you ryan.

    you made my oversleeping and missing all my classes not matter anymore lol

  2. Dani

    Goose is hot. Pommerdoodle is pretty.

    I remember a fight broke out near the bench, and J. Poms ducked and covered his head like an atomic bomb was about to go off. It was cute.

  3. Amy

    It. Just. Wow. This post is brilliant, but I am slightly traumatized by Goose’s head on Jennifer Aniston’s body.

  4. Ryan


    The one with Aniston’s hair down was unavoidable. I really hated to post it looking that awful but I figured the “GuhGuhGuhGuh” shot of Pommers was worth it…

  5. M.J.

    the “no, that’s his real hair” tag was just icing on this cake.

    A+++, for real.

  6. Ashtyn

    You write very well.