Petey’s Place

by Ryan

Bob Slydell: Next up we have an… Andrew Peters.

Bob Porter: Mhm… let’s see here…

Andrew Peters: You wanted to see me?

Bob Slydell: Yes, yes. Sit down, Andrew.

Bob Slydell: You see, what we’re actually trying to do here is, we’re trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work… so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?

Andrew Peters: Sure. Well, I usually start with some soup.

Then I spend at least an hour spiking my hair.

And then I get beat pretty bad in a fight.

After that I kinda spend the next five minutes spacing out.

Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

Andrew Peters: Yeah. I just kinda go in the box and space out. And after that I go to the bench and space out, too. I’d say I put in a good… 3 minutes of work in per game.

Bob Slydell: Wow. So… what exactly do you do here?

Andrew Peters: Well… I’m the enforcer.

Bob Porter: But you’re never on the ice.

Andrew Peters: Well… yeah… then Goose and Mairsy takes care of it, but I do handle the enforcers.

Bob Slydell: You mean here?

Andrew Peters: Well… uh… no, but when players get jobbed I step up.

Bob Porter: You mean here?

Andrew Peters: Well, no, Mair and Gaustad took those…

Bob Slydell: So… again… what do you do here?

Andrew Peters: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn enforcers so the other players don’t have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

—–

Bob Slydell: [Telling Darcy who’s going to be fired] There’s two more people we can easily lose, and then there’s Andrew Peters… He’s useless.
[laughs]
Bob Porter: Gone.

6 Comments

  1. Dave

    HAHAHA Ryan this might be one of your best works.

  2. Chris

    i think that dmitri kalinin has middle management written all over him.

  3. Joe

    Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays….

  4. Heather B.

    This is hilarious. I’m sending a link to half the people I know right now.

  5. Anonymous

    That was almost funny. About as funny as Gaustad trying to fight Bertuzzi.

  6. RJ

    Andrew? That you?