Never in my five month “career” as an aspiring blogger have I been so excited to make a post about a specific topic.
Our old friend Miro has an official website. As is the case with most official pro athlete sites, it sucks. Hardcore. And so begins a new semi-weekly feature on the Goose’s Roost (and continues Islander Week) in which we review, make fun of, and generally lambaste a different athlete’s terrible PR machine that is their personal website. Believe me, there is no shortage of these crappy eyesores on the web. Hell, even Sean “Big Mouth” Salisbury (giving yourself a nickname is so not cool) has an incredibly disturbing website, complete with video messages that are worse than this guy’s.
Now, let us begin breaking down Miro’s oh so wonderful site by providing a breakdown of what is available at our fingertips. A quick look to the left of the page shows us a wealth of information about our old friend, including an incredibly written introduction page with this little nugget:
Satan’s departure from Edmonton was a bittersweet affair, because the management stated a lack of effort and consistency as their reasons for dealing Satan to Buffalo. “But sometimes all you need is a change.”, said Satan a few weeks after a trade. His
words were fulfilled many fold – in the years since.
Now ain’t that the truth. Satan was certainly a model of “effort and consistency” in his years with the Sabres. I’m sure that’s why all of his former teammates were so sad to see him go after the lockout. Now granted, the English version of the site hasn’t been updated since October 2, 2001 (the Slovak version is still updated every so often, although still in black and red with pictures of Miro donning Sabres gear), but even when Miroslav was at his peak in Buffalo, no one would argue that he was either consistent or hard-working, let alone both. This intro is just a bit biased, wouldn’t you say?
Other gems on this site include outdated scouting reports, a recap of the ’93 draft, an article by everyone’s favorite Buffalo News employee about Miro’s trip to the all-star game, and even a surely defunct “E-Mail Miro” page. But the beauty of this god-awful website comes in the picture galleries. Our own RJ has been taking advantage of these pictures in his previous two “Islander Week” posts, and really, who can blame him? There are some absolute doozies, with probably the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) being the one RJ used in this post. That picture makes Bobby Clarke look like Fabio. I encourage each and every one of you to browse through the galleries. You can’t go wrong with four full galleries of Miro, uncontrollable laughter is sure to ensue.
Satan, ever the amazing linguist, shows his true colors in the “interviews” section. When asked, “What is your least favorite city to play in,” Miro responded, “New York Islanders.” First off, “New York Islanders” is not the name of a city on Long Island. The correct response would have been Uniondale, NY, moron. Second of all, we all know that Mr. Satan is now a “proud” New York Islander. As RJ stated when he saw this interview, “Money talks, eh Miro?”
Another goody from the interview section:
WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT LIVING IN BUFFALO?
– You don’t have to go to Buffalo to play the Sabres.
Huh? I want to be offended, but I have to analyze the statement more than the notes I took in a 300-level philosophy class. Does anyone even know what that means?
Good riddance, old friend.