Shenanigans

by Ryan

I, as do many rational sports fans, freaking hate the Patriots. It’s not much of a stretch. really. They are division rivals, consistently smoking the Bills twice a year. Oh, and they have a few Super Bowl wins in the last decade. Can’t forget about those.

Now while they deserve reverence and respect for their success and all that crap, I still hate everything about them. From that freaking space lighthouse to Reche Caldwell’s now unemployed googly eyes, rage grips my soul at the very mention of New England’s boys. Their smugness kills me. Sometimes I like to imagine Bill Belichick savoring his own farts and contemplating which hybrid car to buy next.

So when I see stories like this I get really pissed off. In fact, I declare shenanigans.

Tom Brady isn’t hurt. The only thing that has been hurting him recently is his wallet, which will now hurt him for the next 18 years. However, this does not constitute his placement on the eternal injury report. I mean, the guy’s been on the injured list since he gained the starting spot. He’s either made of sugarcane or the most self detrimental quarterback of all time.

The thing is, putting him and others on the injury report with slightly sinister motives does nothing. What head coach isn’t going to gameplan for Tom Brady no matter how stiff his shoulder is? In all the weeks he has been on that rediculous report, which head coach has gameplanned for Sage Rosenfels, Doug Flutie, or any other second stringer? Does Billy think his word is enough to force Tits McGee over there to break out the Matt Cassel game tape?

Tom Brady’s 108 game start streak must really mean something, then. This guy’s giving everything he has to even show up in uniform, let alone get out there and throw. His shoulder must look like Pedro’s after all those deep balls.

Wait, what about screen passes? Never heard of them.