Even A Norris Trophy Can’t Make That Look Good

by Ryan

Just when we thought this whole jersey redesign was going pretty okay, we get stopped dead in our tracks. I mean sure, there have been some mistakes along the way, but the Panthers unis have sucked since the onset. Still, there have been some positive strides made in the aesthetic appeal of hockey, even in Columbus.

Then the Red Wings had to come and gay it all up.

I’m not even sure what to say about that travesty. Let’s face it, folks, it looks like a freaking nightgown from that angle. I’m sure the 80+ crowd in Detroit is going bonkers over the redesign as we speak.

Seriously though, the half moons or whatever the Free Press wants to call them look like garbage. I’m sure some brilliant mind at RBK thought it proper to design a hockey jersey around some frat boy’s party getup, but I declare shenanigans on the polo-form. I guess when you consider how many Russians they have on the team, half of those frat tails will be tucked in, but isn’t knowing what’s there half the terror?

Besides, you can’t hide the “C” and “A” going on the right. That’s just gay. And here I thought the Sabres had the market cornered on the right chest, but that freaking winged wheel had to get in the way. Now I know it’s been done before somewhere in that 82 year history, but it’s still going to look backwards, well, forever.

If there was one uniform design that everyone respected and wanted to go unscathed during this disaster of an off season, it was the Red Wings. But could they stay true to the path? No. They tinkered, and it looks like crap.

Say what you will. Tell me I’m going to get used to it. Call me a whiner. Say that the new fabrics can wash my car and change my oil. Whatever. I’m still going to be averting my eyes when the Pinstripe Panthers play Pi Kappa Beta at the Joe. But hey, as long as they stay dry…