Draft Profile: Bradley Eidsness

by Ryan

Sometimes you have to question authority to truly feel alive. Most of the time you end up in prison or, like Pacman Jones, a laughingstock.

The point is this: sometimes it’s just better to fly under the radar. If that is the case, then Sabres’ prospect Bradley Eidsness is an amazing find for us. The 5’11” goaltender from Alberta (139th overall) not only has the cleanest facebook profile I’ve ever seen, but may be even more media ready than Sid the Kid was coming in.

Seriously, this kid has nothing offensive at all on his page. The worst thing I can say about him is that he frequently uses words such as “stoked”, “excited”, and “massive.” His biggest beef is with Leukemia, and he means business. One of his three groups threatens to beat it up in honor of a friend, which we in the Roost are totally for. The other two groups are as follows: “Okotoks Oilers” (his AJHL team) and “Weekend Warriors.” (and he ain’t talkin’ about the army…)

What can be learned from his profile starts and ends at his groups, however. Not only does he not have any interests, music, or quotes, but he also has a very small selection of pictures to browse. Based on his profile picture, I’d say he’s a butterfly goaltender, although that won’t surprise anyone born after 1985.

Screw it, I’m making up his interests. He’s a lifelong friend of Shia LaBeouf, sleeps in a coffin, and secretly trains legions of cats how to drive a stick shift. He enjoys 1% milk and has an extensive cap gun collection.

Bradley is a die hard fan of the New Zealand All Blacks Rugby Team, and before each game he performs their traditional haka on ice. Barefoot. He’s also known to write free form poetry about skunks, Carrie Fisher, and the endocrine gland.

Okay, so maybe Bradley Eidsness isn’t that awesome, but he does look like a good kid. Plus his high school graduation gown looks strikingly similar to those God awful Canucks jerseys from 78-85.

I don’t know about you, but seeing that makes me thing of one thing: VICTORY!!!